Why Are You Not Achieving Your Goals Successfully Steps To Building Your Self Confidence Harness The Power Of Skill Sets And Mindsets What S Your Excuse
Is your goal setting making you unhappy?
Have you ever created a goal and got frustrated because of it?
Are you trapping yourself with your goal setting strategies?
Now is the time to learn better strategies that will take you straight to success while having fun during the process of getting there because when you apply this advice you will get there!
A goal is something you want to have or something you want to change in your life. It is basically a project you can manage in a smart way so that in the end you’ll find yourself where you wanted to be when you stated your goal, and began to take steps towards making it happen. But first it starts out in your mind and adopting better thinking strategies followed by powerful action actually will ensure your success, which is what you want… do you not?
Many if not most of the people make New Year’s resolutions and set up goals to quit shortly after that because they feel unhappy and frustrated.The reason is, they constantly compare their actual unsatisfying situation with the ideal goal they want to reach and the only thing they can see is the wide gap between the two places. You feel unhappy and you end up spending lots of energy to keep you constantly motivated when you don’t feel like doing anything because it is impossible to be motivated all the time. And before long you quit!
In other words, if you delay any kind of gratification or feelings of satisfaction until the ideal goal is completely achieved, you are actually making sure you will not accomplish your goal. Some goals can’t be achieved over night so the more you delay the good feelings you think you’ll have when you achieve your final goal, the more difficult it will become to achieve. It is that simple!
There is another aspect of unsuccessful goal setting, watch out! If you decide you are a success only and only if you shed off these 30 pounds or when you are a millionaire, perhaps when you buy that Mercedes and have it standing in your drive way, then you are trapped in a place where there is not escape, as you will be denying yourself any good feelings to keep going… unless you do it the way I am about to share with you.
If you wanted to cross over a river, you would use a bridge to walk on until you reach the other side and if you wanted to grab something that sits on a high shelf you would use a ladder, so why would accomplishing a goal be any different?
Now, what can you do differently and in the present moment to ensure your goals will be successfully accomplished and with fun?
Pick a goal: what do you want?
It can be anything but let’s take the example of a weight loss goal.
Solution 1: make a power decision. What is the first thing you will notice when heading towards your goal? What is the first success?
You want to shed off 20 pounds so if you notice that you shed 2 pounds on your way, congratulate yourself and keep going. Do more of the things you notice bring about success.
Build a bridge between where you were when you started and your final goal. You simply make smaller steps and these little goals will be easy to achieve. The result will surprise you because it will lead you straight to your wished big goal. Keep going and keep rewarding yourself and feeling good about what you’ve already achieved while feeling certain that sooner or later you will be at your final destination!
Solution 2: keep a journal of your progress and successive successes on the way to your goal. People tend to forget what they have already achieved and where they were when they started their journey towards a goal, so by keeping it all written down you can go back any time and see how far you’ve come already and that will keep you on track and highly motivated. It makes the whole project fun and worth going for.
These two important strategies will show you that you are a success and that you don’t have to wait for any final result to feel good about it or about yourself. In fact whatever feelings you think or believe you will have when your goal has manifested in the real world, start on your way by having them right now and build your bridge to success from then on.
What you’ve learned so far to achieve a goal with success is this: it is very helpful to have a concrete and easy way to track your progress. Find a way to make your goal as concrete as possible and break it down to smaller steps you can accomplish with success.
And to make your goal achievement even easier and more of a success follow these steps:
Choose a goal
Check whether the goal is good for you and will enrich your life
Find the resources that will help you achieve your goal: information, people to help you, advice…
Prioritize your goal so you keep hitting your target until you hit it finally
Track your goal, the progress and success journal will help you with that
The freedom to change or even discard your goal if you don’t want it anymore or if it no longer suits you
What now? If you have goals that you’ve already started working on, make them easy to track and start your progress and success journal. Walk the bridge step by successful step, all the way to your final success!
The very first step in building self-confidence is to accept yourself in an unconditional way. You are human, therefore you are not perfect, so don’t dwell on what you see as flaws. Everyone has qualities that someone else does not. This is what makes us want to go out and find partners who give us love, and make us feel wanted and complete. Those great feelings would not be possible if you were perfect. Accept yourself how you are. It will help to rid you of constant stress and worry over things that you cannot control.
Do what you want!
How long it has been since you last did something that you really liked, something that you enjoyed doing as a child? How long has it been since you went out for ice cream with a friend? These simple things have the power to build your self-confidence and add fulfillment to your life. Life can be very quite simple. It is easy to get caught u in the rat race of today’s world, and lose yourself in the process. It is easy to forget your purpose, what you like and what you enjoy doing. It happens to people all of the time. It is your responsibility to yourself that you get back to those simple things in life.
Find a group of friends
You’ve heard the saying, “birds of a feather flock together”. It is important to find people with whom you enjoy spending time and doing things. You will find that life is a little bit easier when you are among the people who share your interests and your feelings. There is an understanding between you, as well as an open dialogue. Good conversation and friendship are healthy and important for our minds and souls.
Set goals and just do it!
Take one step at a time. Those single steps will develop into a giant gait over time. Do not overwhelm yourself, but simply do the task at hand. But set achievable goals and go for them! Don’t focus on the big picture, concentrate on the small steps. This is the only way to accomplish anything, and to avoid procrastination and depression. Even the smallest achievement will give you a sense of accomplishment that will boost your self-confidence.
When you have a problem, sometimes you need a new skill or skill set to deal with it. That was an epiphany generated from listening to a speaker the other day. Everything seemed so clear in that moment. Yes, it made sense.
Sometimes when you wrestle with problems, you might not see an immediate solution and you struggle to find one. After a while, you might give up completely, thinking that it is impossible to find a solution for that particular problem. At that moment, the idea that you might simply need new skills or knowledge to overcome the difficulty can be very empowering.
Making that mental connection allows you to escape being stuck and giving up, it focuses your mind on a solution. It doesn’t allow you to think that there is no solution which can only lead to depression or feeling ‘down’.
But then you might think that you lack knowledge or skills in a certain area. Yet, you know that you could either find that knowledge or develop the skills to solve your problem.
Alternatively, you could hire someone to solve your problem. NO killing please, that is not a solution, but a doorway to greater problems. However, under normal circumstances, hiring someone with the right skills is perfectly acceptable. For example, you might higher a plumber if you have a problem with your shower or sink. You could take the time to learn the skills but you have to weigh the value of that learning curve against how much it would cost to actually hire someone with the skills already.
Maybe you have decided that there is no one with the skill set you need available or that it is worth your time to develop a new skill. What are some sources of knowledge and places to develop these new skill sets? Libraries, books, online searches, bookstores, Internet, circles of influence, brainstorming, mastermind groups and even asking someone you don’t know for their viewpoint can sometimes yield new ideas, leading to new results.
The bottom line is that there are resources everywhere for you to tap into, you just have to open your eyes and allow yourself to become aware that this is the case. There is always a way to find new resources and you can keep tapping those resources for expertise until you find what you are looking for and you develop the new skill.
There are also ways to reframe existing problems. Questioning the underlying thoughts that support your belief that you even have a problem in the first place can sometimes yield interesting results. Sometimes we get stuck in a mindset and asking ourselves questions to understand the legitimacy or redefine the reality of situation can be most useful.
Let’s say there is something you really want to do. It can be something big like moving to another part of the country or something small like taking an hour of time several times a week to pursue a hobby. The key point is it is something you’ve been saying you want to do for a period of time but haven’t gotten around to doing it. It’s a pattern. To the point that every time you start the sentence “I’d really love to play the piano again” you flow right into your list of excuses on autopilot “but I can’t take time away from my family” or “it’s a silly idea because I’m too old”, etc.
Now, you may be saying that you don’t use excuses and you only have valid reasons for why you “can’t” do what you say you want to do. After all, excuses are for more irresponsible type people and that is certainly not you.
Well, if there’s something you say you want to do, but continually have a reason why you don’t do it; there are only 2 possible explanations for that:
1) You do not really want to do what you say you do but you either continue to say you do out of habit or because you think you “should” want to do it.
2) You really do want to do what you say you do. But, it is risky, forces you to step outside your comfort zone, or might upset someone you care about.
If the answer to your scenario is #1, then by all means stop saying that it is something you want to do. Let it go. Bring some closure to the darn thing and it’ll free your mental and emotional space so you can pursue something you truly do want to do.
If the answer for you is #2 then most likely you are using an excuse that allows you to hang onto your desire and provide a logical reason why you can’t do it thereby keeping you safe and still yearning.
What do excuses sound like? Just in case you haven’t heard the crate full you probably carry around in your head everyday, here’s a list of some of the most common ones:
– I’m too dumb/too smart
– No one will like/love me
– I’m not good enough
– It’s too far from home
– I don’t have enough money for that
– No time
– No one can have it all
Do any of these sound familiar?
We wouldn’t use excuses if they didn’t serve us in some way. It’s hard to dig a little deep and admit that, but otherwise why would we use them? Simply to torture ourselves?
Some of the benefits I have found from using excuses are:
– It allows me to be right about myself (example: “See, I told you I wasn’t good enough!”)
– Keeps me safe
– Keeps me stuck (so I can complain & commiserate with others)
– It’s familiar
After all, it is easier to go with the flow, maintain the status quo, and turn down the volume on the things we truly desire especially when they might be a hair different than the majority of people we come in contact with and the “societal norm”. At least it seems easier, but it comes at a cost and that cost can be anything from lack of fulfillment and spark in our lives all the way to depression or disease.
The first key to busting your excuses is to identify them and then understand the payoff you’re getting from using them.
1) List 3 things you regularly say you want to have or do.
2) List the reason(s) you tell yourself and others as to why you cannot have nor do those things.
3) Apply the test earlier in this article to determine if you do indeed really want what you say you want or not.
a. If the answer is no – then by all means let it go.
b. If the answer is yes….keep reading.
Once you’ve established your list of what you really do want and the excuses you use for not having or doing it, it’s time to delve into and identify your payoff for not getting what you want.
1) Make a list of all the “bad” things you fear might happen if you were to take the risk to get what you want. Be totally honest and cover all the bases including the absolute worst case scenario you can imagine. (for example: if I move across the country, my family will no longer love me or come to see me)
2) Look at your list from the last step and rate each one in terms of how likely your fear would really happen using a scale of 1 (not likely) to 5 (absolutely certain).
What you’ll find is that it is pretty unlikely that something horrible is going to happen if you do what you want to do. And, if something unexpected or unwanted does occur, trust that you’ll find a way to handle it.
So, make that list of things you really want to do and create a plan, including lining up any support or resources you may need, for making it happen not “someday” but today..
|accept, achieve, answer, develop, excuses, feelings, final, find, goal, goals, good, happen, knowledge, life, list, love, people, problem, reason, self-confidence, simple, skill, skills, solution, success, time|